Saturday, April 05, 2008

Camp Baby - The Good, the Bad, and the Anal Leakage

Just a quick recap of my recent all expenses paid jaunt to Johnson & Johnson's Camp Baby, recorded mainly for posterity rather than for any entertainment value since I seem to have lost my funny somewhere between New Jersey and Boston.

The Good -

- I'm not going to lie, the swag was phenomenal. J&J pulled out all the stops when it came to providing us with access to their products. The only downside to this was that we all had to pack up our booty (Heh, booty) to be shipped at the end of the trip since the bottles of conditioner, self-tanner, and KY Jelly exceeded the TSA's strictly enforced 3oz-or-we'll-put-you-in-jail-because-you-dared-bring-4oz-of-shampoo-on-a-flight rule. But J&J took care of that as well, making sure they had packing boxes and FedEx labels ready to go before we left. Now I'm just sitting on my hands waiting for my KY warming massage oil... So Mr. C can give me a proper back rub while I'm playing with my new free Nintendo DS lite game system.

Yeah, like I'm having sex in my condition (More on that later).

- The opportunity to hang out with old friends (old being a relative term in the land of blogging) and meeting new ones while being shushed by the organizers of the event during Ted Allen's wine tasting. It was like the good ol' days of sitting in church next to my best friends and giggling through the priest's sermon while getting the evil eye from the nuns. I almost felt like a kid again, but, you know, a pregnant one.

You call it a "wine tasting". The pregnant me calls it my own little piece of hell on earth.

Seeing Ted Allen was fantastic, he's one funny - albeit skinny and strangely hetero acting - gay man - although I'm still not convinced he doesn't have a secret wife and children stashed away somewhere in Idaho. Oh, the scandal! But when you get a bunch of bloggers together you just know there's going to be some acting out. And there was. And we were reprimanded like school children. But, you know, school children who were drinking wine.

- Even as a woman who hates taking a compliment, I will never, EVER, get tired of hearing how fabulous I look at 8 months pregnant. That never gets old. Especially when I feel like the Titanic while it's sinking. If pregnancy didn't suck so much I'd always be knocked up, just for the purdy words.

- Learning about I had never heard about this program encouraging parents to get their young children's eye sight checked but I'm very interested in it now. And you should too. Go check it out, I'll wait.

("Tall and tan and young and lovely The girl from ipanema goes walking And when she passes, each one she passes goes - ah")

Oh good, you're back. Let's move on.

- Being wined and dined like there was no tomorrow. That was fun. I think it should be federally mandated that every mother should have at least three days of this type of treatment with the tab picked up by Uncle Sam. I'm sure this will have no problem getting through Congress.

The "Camp Fire" party on our last night. The picture doesn't do it justice. It was pretty cool. And, yes, we were the first ones there.

The Bad -

- Having my flight home canceled and being put on a much later flight. Thankfully, another woman who was also traveling back to Boston checked ahead of time and managed to book us and two other women on an earlier flight. And for this I have promised to name my next child after her.

Okay, not really.

But it was a bummer to not be able to properly say goodbye to everyone since we had to leave so quickly. I never got my comparative belly picture with Catherine. And I was not able to squeeze Motherbumper one last time. I'm getting all weepy thinking about it.

Let's move on before I embarrass myself further.

- Coming off my adrenaline high somewhere between the flight home and my front door. I refused to not keep up with everyone else at the conference just because I am with child and the high of being with all my lady friends helped get me through. Today I am paying for it. But last night was worse. So, so much worse. And tomorrow will probably be bad too. I may never recover.

- And to wrap it all up, puking on the side of the Mass Pike on the way home. That was pretty bad.

(What was I saying before about not embarrassing myself any further?)

I was overtired to begin with which always makes me nauseous, but then we ended up in stop and go traffic on the highway. I get motion sick anyway, but being in the back of a town car in that traffic with all of the other factors thrown in just for fun, and you have one sick Chicky. I'm just glad the driver got us over to the side of the road before I ruined the leather upholstery.

There wasn't anything truly negative about my experience at Camp Baby, just everything after. The organizers of the event went out of their way to ensure we all had a pleasurable and educational experience and I commend them on a job well done. But I really could have done without the hair braiding and I, correctly, skipped the vah jay jay panel. When I heard from other women in attendance the words "collapsed pelvis floor" and "anal leakage", I figured then was a good time to go up to my room and rest before dinner.

The disembodied head we had to work on. Her eyes followed us everywhere, accusing me of being a suck ass hair braider. She's right.

Camp Baby was a good time but it's always good to be home. And now, if you don't mind I'm going to go soak my pelvis while I wait for my FedEx box of swag holding my free sample of Tucks medicated pads.

Why should I be embarrassed about all the side effects from this pregnancy after I admitted I pretty much threw up on my shoes? And there wasn't even alcohol involved this time.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey thanks for the recap...I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't realize you had a review site. (gulp)

And Belinda is right, you ARE looking terrific!

10:16 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

You were so stinking cute! If only the rest of us could look that good pregnant.

I am sorry about your trip home, but I hope you feel like yourself again soon!

It was great to meet you!

11:52 PM  
Blogger flutter said...

Lawsa you are freakin cute

3:45 AM  
Blogger motherbumper said...

Do you know my head was spinning because I was like OMG WHERE DID SHE GO? WHAT IS GOING ON? And then I spent the next six hours wondering around the Newark Airport trying to find other stranded bloggers - damn my "international" flight keeping me from the normal people.

And I want you back - come back - I need to hug you.

4:03 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

Okay, you totally MUST come to BFF so we can ALL squeeze you, okay? And I bet you just are totally cute - I make for one big awkward pregnant lady, but you, you are a cutie patootie.

7:28 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Seriously, at eight months pregnant I looked like I was gestating a small elephant. You've got that perfect belly that screams pregnant but not "oh, you poor thing."

I wish you could make it out to BlogHer this summer.

10:16 PM  
Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said...

Ooooo, I could've been a speaker at the talk about collapsed pelvic floor! Hey, I kind of like that title for a band. A band of moms in their 40's.

I'm just a wee bit jealous. Wined and dined? I just got whined (at) and "when's dinner"?

7:35 AM  
Blogger karengreeners said...

wined and dined sounds good, but seriously, j&j products are disgusting. go look up the ingredients on before you use them. i worry.

10:32 AM  

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